It's about time for an update - Geez!

For the few readers out there - and I mean FEW- sorry it's been so long. As you are well aware, life gets in the way sometimes. So, here's the abbreviated version of the past few months since January:

-had pelvic pressure, which scared the teetotal crap outta me. Had to have an ultrasound,  then see an Ob/Gyn, and then another ultrasound which resulted in the diagnosis of "hemorrhagic cyst". Apparently,  they're common & go away on their own, just annoying.

- no babies yet. I say "babies" because my sister Alison is due ANYDAY now, and she's miserable. I can't wait to be an aunt, and I really can't wait to be a mother. Hence "babies". TTC for almost 4 months now. And by the way, women all around me are getting knocked up. Seriously - my sister,a teacher I work with, 2 girls in my Sunday school class just had babies mere days ago, 2 more have announced they're pregnant, and 2 girls from college either just had a baby or will in the next two weeks. WTH? I feel like I will never get pregnant, I'll never know what it's like. I just feel like it's not going to happen for me. 

- was nominated and won Teacher of the Year at my school! That was nice, and it definitely made me feel like my colleagues really recognize the hard work I put into what I do. Unfortunately (and I really shouldn't complain, because it is an honor) it comes with about 20 pages of paperwork - essays I have to write on my personal philosophy of education, my personal biography of why I wanted to be a teacher, a current issue of importance in education today.... Really, all I wanted was a primo parking spot and maybe no morning duty. That will never happen, at least not in my school.

-Got my new front loading washer/dryer! Matthew asked to buy a used motorcycle, and I conceded on the deal that I got my new w/d. We found a Whirlpool Duet set at BestBuy for a STEAL!! $381 a piece! It is safe to say I love them, and I feel good about helping the environment by using less water & energy. Plus, having a dryer that works  and actually dries clothes in under an hour is fantastic!

-we bought a new car! Well, a "new used" car from CarMax. I had a Saturn Ion that I loved. Until the trunk developed this habit of leaking water every time it rained. And the ignition would not let you pull your key out. And the radio/CD player went on the fritz. And the panel for the fuses kept falling off. And so forth. And slowly, love turned to bitterness, and I couldn't wait to get rid of that car. We ended up getting an '07 Jeep Compass. It's a small sized SUV crossover type vehicle. Think CRV + minivan - soccer mom nature. It's one of the nicest cars I've ever owned. Great for toting children around, like nieces!

   And then there was today. Today I woke up with a hideously swollen right eye, bloodshot & DE-sgusting! Pink eye, how fabulous. And contagious. I called my principal because I honestly didn't know what to do. We had PASS standardized testing today in language, and I sort of HAD to be there. By the same token - um, gross! Who wants to walk around with people staring at your crazy bloodshot eye, all the while you bathe in sanitizer like you have OCD. So I called him:

 Me: "Hi, Mr. 'Principal'. Um, I just woke up with a tremendous case of what I think is Pink Eye. I know we have PASS testing & and I feel fine, but I know it's really contagious and I truly don't know what to do here, and I was just wondering what....you wanted me to....do?
Him: " Well, now, how are you feeling? I mean, do you feel ok to come in or would you be embarrassed?"
Me: "Um, I feel fine, no problems, but I look like I've been punched in the face. I wouldn't be too embarrassed, but I'm worried about contaminating others.Um, I mean, I can come in and do testing, if you want, but I'm going to have to leave afterwards and go to the doctor, so I would need a sub for the rest of the day."
Him: "Well, why don't you plan on coming in, and I'll work on getting you a sub for the rest of the day."
Me: "Ok. Thanks." Click.

  And so I go in, determined to swathe myself in Purell all day if I have to. But I get to school, and my teacher friend Sandy takes one look at me and says, "Go home. Why the hell are you here?" I tell her the Conversation, to which she says, "He doesn't know anything! You cannot be here unless you've been on medication for 24 hours. Go see the nurse!" So I go, and she concurs that yes, indeed, I must go home. Fast forward past leaving school & telling my kids to do great and blahblahblah to the doctor's appointment, which confirms that I do NOT have pink eye. A mere bacterial infection. But I should stay home today & begin the eye drop medication to keep it from "getting worse". Ok, you're the one with the degree!
  However, a very important meeting was held today & I had wanted to be there for it. I got the short and sweet version : Right now I'm currently teaching ELA/SS to 3 classes a day - which I LOVE. The district is breathing down our school's back because math scores are not where they should be, so admin is going to group the students into math "groups" based on their ability level. Ok, no problem - we did that a few years ago, so I'm fine with that. Oh, yeah, and they're changing the schedule,too. Ok, well, I figured that would probably happen. Oh, yeah, and I'm not going to be teaching SS any more, they're going to give that to the other teacher, the one that's been teaching math this year. The one unfamiliar with SC SS standards- the same standards I have lived and breathed for 9 freaking years. The one who has nothing for SS, and who is going to want to borrow all my materials, and I'm going to HAVE to let her, because, afterall, I am Teacher of the Year. If you sense bitterness and a little rancor, you are justified. The other stuff- the scheduling stuff and the math all that- doesn't bother me. But taking away what I love? It's like someone just punched me in the throat. But, it's only for 6 more weeks of school, so surely I can suck it up, right? 6 weeks - what's that? A month & a half. And by then, it'll be PASS testing time, which we call "babysitting" cause that's about all you do. And the school year will be over, and she will be leaving my school to move back to her home state. It's nothing personal against her, really it's not. I guess it's sort of like someone coming into your job & saying, "Yeah, you know that thing you do here that you love to do and you're good at and you know all about it? Well, we're going to let someone else do that job, and you're going to have to give them all your materials and probably do reports for them so they know what to do. And don't forget - we're doing this for the company!" Except, in my case that would be "It's all for the children". But you & I both know it's not. It's for the school and district, so we can look good & keep that AYP medal we got.
6 weeks, 6 weeks, 6 weeks......

Resolutions can suck it!

January is about halfway through, and I have yet to live up to any of my resolutions. And for the interested reader, here they are in no particular order:

- cardio no less than 3x a week Specifics: I mean to say "lose 10 pounds" as well as "go to the gym 3x a week", but really, some days I get to my car and think "Hell no, I'm not going to the gym today." Normally, this would then mean that I should walk or do some home yoga/Pilates for at least 3o minues. Again, who am I kidding? Actually, that's not fair. About 2-3 weeks ago, I was "running" (i.e.- Grandma jogging) 2 miles a day. I can do it. I just lack motivation.

-stop cussing Specifics: see the above statement. I swear, one day I'm gonna slip in front of my kids at work. I just know it. Plus, I feel like a giant hypocrite when I write them up for cussing (and most of the time when they use it, it's hilarious! "She called a 'bitch' and said my braids were nappy.' Come on - that's comic gold!

-brush & floss daily Specifics: ok, so I'm really prone to gum inflammation, so this one is for my own good. Plus, my dentist is super nice and the first time I went to see him for a cleaning, when it was all over he looked at me and said, "Mrs. Waters, ....your gums scare me." Who wants scary gums? Not me.

- Let it ride Specifics: as a sometimes "uptight" person, this is more personal that the rest. Case in point = bureacratic school/district b.s. I could be upset about it, spend time denouncing it & ranting & raving to all who will listen how morally wrong it is & how we're told to have high expectations for the kids when in reality I'm supposed to accept garbage........I could go on. But I won't. I'll "let it ride". I'll do what I'm told to do with/without a smile on my face. I'll realize that I'm making a small difference in teeny tiny ways, and maybe that's all I'm supposed to do. It is what it is, and all I really have to do is wait for this wave to go out & the next one to come in. Because we all know, another wave is always on its way in.

So, perhaps instead of calling these "resolutions", I should call them "habits". Habits can be good; dental hygiene, for example. And habits can be developed. I don't remember the math exactly, but I think I'm supposed to complete an action like 7 or 14 times in order for it to be on its way to becoming a habit. So, basically, if I work out every week, 3x a week, for a little over a month, it will then be a habit. If I substitute another word for "shit" or "fuck" at least 14 times (or maybe over 14 days??), I'll be on the road to language recovery. If I feel my toes curling, my stomach knotting, my shoulder muscles scrunching up around my ears, my inner bitch clawing her way to the surface and I remember to BREATHE and go with the flow and be thankful I have a job for 14 days (or 14 times it happens), I'll loosen up somewhat.

Hell, if I can achieve even one of these, I'll be so proud I could bust. I'm hoping to hit the gym tomorrow for at least 30 minutes of cardio, maybe some weights, and mark it on my calendar. Day 1, ...13 more to go .

She is back from the Dead!!

Sooooo.....it's been a long time. A year? Over a year? Sorry for the wait. And I apologize to those who read this & supported it, then gave up on it when I failed to publish anything else. Life & other crap got in the way, what can I say?

This will be short, but wanted to say that one of my resolutions this year (not counting the perpetual "lose weight" and "stop cussing" ones) will be to keep this blog up better. Maybe up the ante to once a week or so. I shall try. You know, I used to like to write. I was good at it. I used to be a giant nerd (ok, "used to be" is up for debate) that would watch movies or read books & think, "Boy, I could write a GREAT paper on the symbolism in here." I still think that, a lot. Of course, why write a paper that no one will ever read? For my own joy? Pshaw!

Well, at any rate, I'm warming myself up with this entry. Getting the fingers primed, the gears turning, and the thoughts brewing. Please, feel free to bust me on it if I fail to publish a blog in 2 weeks. Seriously.

Hi, My Name is Heather, and I Lose Interest Quickly

I cannot believe it's been since mid-November that I last published a blog. Not that I had millions of readers hanging on my every word, but I know I have at least.....2 readers? 3 maybe? Well, one is better than none, I suppose. And as my title says, I do lost interest quickly.
So, what since November? Christmas with the in-laws in Kentucky where the warmest it got was a whopping 41' and coldest was a mere 11'. My big 30th birthday blow out ended up being 4 really good friends, my sister & brother-in-law, the hubs, mom & dad, and brother & his gf. A good crowd, though not the gang busting scene I had imagined. I always set my expectations too high. I think it's God's way of saying, "It's not all about you, you narcissistic wench!" (I know God calls me neither narcissistic nor a wench). After dinner & presents at Indigo Joe's (presents being an awesome blue topaz necklace/earrings/ring combo from mom & dad, pearl earrings from my sister, a yoga book from my friend, a hilarious book "Heartthrobs: God's Gifts from the 1970's & 80's" from my other friend, and a beautiful set of black pearls from the hubs) mom & dad hightailed it home while the rest of us went out. We ended up going to the old Dougal MacGuires' pub, which is now called Fitzpatrick's. Awesome, awesome place! We sat & talked & drank for a good 3 or 4 hours. And drank. And laughed. And drank. I had about 3 Cape Cods, and had a pretty rockin' buzz. Then, my brother in law Adam told the waitress to double up on the next one she brought me, which near 'bout could peel paint it was so stiff. After that, I got the delicious warm, comfortable, sleepy intoxication. Then, Adam said, "Birthday Shots!" and I ended up downing a Red Headed Slut (no offense to any redheads who may be reading). That's when things took a slightly downward turn. I remember Alison looking at me and asking," Are you ok? Do you need to throw up?". I remember not being able to answer her with my mouth for fear I would projectile vomit, but not really feeling nauseous. I remember my legs not really working - which Alison calls "Walking Like a Pirate", a common ailment of some drinkers- making it to the bathroom & Alison giving me the rules for throwing up : don't touch anything, don't touch the toilet, quit spitting because it'll make you throw up, don't swallow the water from the tap just rinse your mouth with it". All the while she kept giving me a pep talk,
"You're straight as a fucking arrow. It's all in your head -you can walk out of here
right now and have no problems. I'm tellin' you, your straight. You just need some
air, and you'll be fine."

We have a slight pep talk before planning our escape to the privacy of the parking lot; I'm to keep my eyes on the door, not look at my feet & let her push/guide me out the door. Take slow, deep breaths, and for the love of God, don't think about what you ate or drank. It works. We get to the safety of the car, and I have to admit, the cool air made me feel better. Then, Alison came out with a bag, a piece of bread & a cup of water. And then, the next thing I know, "ol Jed's a millionaire." Right there in the parking lot, off of Laurens Rd. I chucked. On her shoes. Well, indirectly on her shoes. CSI agents would call it "spatter". But, it was my first ever "drunk vomit" & I felt like a new person when I was done. Matty took me home, and I sat by the toilet for a few more minutes. Actually, I fell asleep resting my head on the commode, and awoke to throw up one more time. Then I went to bed. Plus side: no hangover in the morning. And that's the end of Heather Drinking to Get Drunk. The End.

As far as New Year's, I'm doing what everyone else is: the ambiguous "Losing Weight/Eating Healthy" resolution. But I am making a solid effort towards this. Most days. I go to my Saturday morning Yogalates w/ my friend Jessica almost every weekend. I try to go to the gym every day, though it usually ends up being 3 days a week. I have been trying to attend Tuesday night Pilates class. And really, I want to look good in my bathing suit. I mean, I'm certainly not huge, and I'd probably look fine, but I don't want overhang - that roll (or two) that "overhangs" your belt or waistline. Backfat, the spare tire, the love handles. I have a good 6 inches total around my waist/hips I'd like to lose. I know & accept that I'll most likely never be 110 lbs like I was in college again. Probably not even 115. MIGHT make 120 if I bust my ass. But I'll be happy with 125, considering right now I'm pushing 140. It just sucks that food tastes good, that my thyroid is underactive (hence CONSTANT hunger & slow metabolism), that my schedule & my husband's schedule makes it damn near impossible to hit the gym every single day for an hour, and that my pants constantly pinch the shit out of me all day long. But this year, I'm gonna do it. It's going to happen. In fact, I have a pair of size 6 jeans I bought a month ago I've never worn. I bought them thinking, "Ok, so I wear a 6 now. A perfectly acceptable and beautiful size." Then got home, and ....could not get them past my hips. Bastards!! So, in my closet they'll stay, taunting me & pushing me to lose a little more so that one day, I might wear them & look super cute.
One day.

There's no excuse for Lame-ness

And I'm not talking about the biblical kind. I'm talking about the loser-y kind. I just feel lame. You ever had that day, where you just sit and look at yourself and say "Well, is this it? Is this the best I've got? What did I accomplish today? A whole bunch of nothin', that's what." I feel like that today.
I think one reason is that more and more, I'm becoming less excited about my "big" 30th birthday party, and more apathetic. The reason is because very few people - not counting family- are coming, or at least have RSVP'd to come. I know, I know, - it's Christmas. It's unfair to ask people to choose between me and family or me and religious worship or me and an office party that was planned 6 months ago. I get it. And, normally, I understand. I've had to for 30 years. I never got to have cupcakes brought to school to celebrate my birthday because we were never at school for my birthday. I never could have a party on my birthday because- well, it's a major holiday. And you'd think I'd be used to it by now. But I'm not. I think what's the most depressing, if not hurtful, part is that of all of the people that I've invited only 9 have said, "Yep, I'll be there no matter what!" And 5 of those are family members (and husband). There are a dozen or so "Maybe"s, and some other amount of "Not attending". There's an ungodly amount in the "Not Responded" category, which hurts almost more than the not attending. At least with the not attending, I know how you feel or what you're doing up front. "Not Responded" just tells me "I'll get to it later." Of course, how shitty would I feel if, after writing this whole blog, weeks later some awesome surprise party is thrown for me. I'd have to write an apology blog. But what if there's not a surprise party? What if 9 people is all that really comes & instead of my super fun 80's/90's party that I've always dreamed of (lame, I told you), we end up eating mexican, getting some beers, opening some small gifts, and then hugging good bye? I guess it wouldn't be so bad because, really, it's about the people who DO show, and the fact that they are there for YOU. And I realize that I should stop bitching and be thankful and appreciative for the friends and family who want to celebrate my birthday with me even though they could be doing other holiday type things. For those people, I am grateful. And for anyone reading who's been invited and truly can't come, please know that, despite what this blog might sound like as you read it, I truly do understand and it's ok with me. This blog is for those people who say they're my friends, but aren't really willing to put into it for me.
I'm almost embarrassed by the selfishness and seeming arrogance of this post, but you know what? I'm sooo tired of giving to and caring for people, and getting jack shit in return. It sucks. But I keep doing it because, .....well, it's just who I am. I am a nice person, I do genuinely care about people. Besides, it's the right thing to do, even if it means you get stepped on sometimes. So, even though I might sound bratty and whiny right now, I'm not going to quit being nice and helpful to others even if they aren't the same to me. I suppose it's the TurnTheOtherCheek disease in me.
Well, I've got early Christmas presents to go buy. Please don't think I'm a hateful, selfish, conceited brat. I'm just letting off steam. :)

I've lost 5 lbs., but not by exercise.

Sunday morning I woke up with this dry, sore spot in the back of my throat. It wasn't painful, just annoying. Keep the fluids in, blow my nose really well before bed time (to cut off that relentless "post nasal drip" at the pass) and it'll pass. But then I couldn't sleep Sunday night. I finally drifted off at about midnight or so, and had to drag myself out of bed at 5 am. Except now, that little spot that hurt on Sunday was a very painful area that covered at least half of my throat. But I was determined to keep going. So I showered up, put make up on, and was forcing myself to down a glass of pomengranet/blueberry juice when I just realized "This hurts, A LOT. And I'm taking a sick day, and I won't feel bad about it." So I did. Typed up my sub plans & emailed them to my fifth grade teacher neighbor & begged for her help. Actually, I really didn't have to beg as I had to cover her ass for 2 weeks last year when she had a horrendous case of the flu, and then again when her father died. At any rate, typed them up, washed the make up off, and crawled back into bed.
Later that morning when I got up, I realized that I was in a lot of pain. But I was still able to work on some school work that I had put off, so I got that done. Matty & I took the recycling down the dump bins & then I went into BiLo to buy some cough drops. That's got to help, I'm thinking. A little zinc, a little echinacea, I'll be back on my feet.
Tuesday morning- technically I woke up at 3 am with searing pain in my entire throat, and what felt like softballs resting in the back of my mouth. It's what I liken to having someone take sandpaper to the raw tissue of your throat. It was so swollen, and hurt so bad, I would literally spit my normal saliva out rather than have to swallow. In fact, when I did swallow, I would brace myself, and grip the sheets as if I were in labor. I'm not trying to be dramatic here. This is as accurate as I can describe it. Managed to wrangle a doctor's appointment in Simpsonville, which led to two strep tests (aka - "How many times will Heather gag when you shove that Q-tip down her throat?") The first came back negative (of course), so they had to do a "strep culture" test which I can only assume tests for the possibility of strep. At this point, I couldn't have cared less what I had. "Mrs. Waters, we think you have the Ebola virus." "Fine, whatever, give me drugs NOW." I left not really knowing what I had but in my hand I carried a prescription for what shall now be known as "Magic Mouthwash".
Magic Mouthwash has to be created by the pharmacist. They could put mop water & crack-cocaine in it for all I cared. All I know is that the first time I took it, a warm,numbing sensation ran down my throat & I was finally able to eat & drink. So Matty cooked me up some scrambled eggs, cheese & grits. I sat at the table & gingerly at a few spoonfuls. I wasn't feeling quite right, but then again, I realized I hadn't really eaten or drank anything all day. Ate a few more spoonfuls, then went to the restroom. Feeling slightly better, I'm "cleaning up" when Matthew calls , "Hey honey, have you drunk from my waterbottle since you've been sick?" And I would have answered him, but OUT OF FREAKIN' NOWHERE I threw myself over the edge of the tub where I vomitted everything I had eaten. Violently. It sort of scared me. I mean, I haven't thrown up in years. But, after about 5 or 6 minutes of that, I felt better. Well, at least well enough to lay back down on the couch & sleep for 2 more hours. ( I felt so bad for the grits & eggs that Matty made me I covered them with saran wrap so I could try to eat them another day)
Wednesday- mucho, mucho better. The swelling is down, the amoxicillin seems to be working, and I've only had to use the mouthwash once today. I actually got up and accomplished some stuff today. Swept the sunroom, picked up my sheets & blankets & piles of laundry I'd left from disrobing wherever I stood. Did the dishes & cleaned off the table. I've made the bold assertion that I will be back to school tomorrow. I've been out since Monday. Three days - that's the longest I've ever missed school. And you know - I actually want to go back. Hopefully, this is the downward slope of whatever third world disease I've picked up. In fact, it's time for that second dose of meds.....

What's the saying about horses & falling off & stuff?

Last week was a bust - gym wise. I forget why I didn't go Monday, but I'm sure it was for no good reason. Tuesday & Wednesday the in-laws were visiting, and it would be rude to go to the gym after a long day of work. Thursday -well, I was tired & figured if I hadn't gone the other three days, what good would there be in one day's attendance. Friday-date night. Saturday morning yoga was skipped in order to attend the Farmer's Market with mi madre (and a side order of Dunkin' Donuts wheat bagel & cream cheese). Sunday afternoon yoga was ALSO skipped in order to complete school work, and to grab a wee afternoon nap. In conclusion - I pretty much just took up space & used oxygen last week.
But that was last week, and this is a new week. I'm all about new beginnings, and today was no exception. So this afternoon, at approximately 4:20, I tore out of the school parking lot & headed to the gym to meet my nemesis, elliptical machine. However, my allergy to kryptonite was acting up & I opted for the less brutal treadmill. I still managed to hoof it at about 20 minutes & made 1.58 miles. Not too bad for one doing exercise pennance. Tomorrow night will reunite me with my old friend, Pilates. Oh, leg circles. How I despise you........