I'm a pretty selfish person, and I say that with no amount of pride. In some ways, I feel stunted in the fact that - when it's all said and done- I'm thinking about whether things worked out the way I wanted them to or not. I'm selfish about a lot of things : my food (quit eating off of my plate & begging me for more! Quit taking the biggest, best piece of pizza/cobbler/chicken/etc ! Quit asking for a taste of whatever it is I'm eating!), my sleep (Quit getting me off schedule just because you want/don't want to do something) my music (I love that song and I don't care if I have the CD - I want to listen to it now). I swear, in my own head sometimes, I sound just like Veruca Salt from "Charlie & the Chocolate Factory".
I don't mean to be selfish. And though it doesn't sound like it, in regards to other people, I am very generous. At least I like to think I am. I try to remain considerate of others' needs, wants, abilities, personalities. I cry (literally) for the homeless, be they people or animals (one of the reasons why I cannot watch "Animal Cops" shows ; they just tear me up). I love my students and coworkers, family & friends, and most people in general. I want to help others, in any way I can. It makes me feel good to make others feel good. Which is why I recently decided to allow a practicum student into my classroom in upcoming weeks. I mentioned the fact that I am a selfish person because, truthfully, I don't want anyone disrupting my routine. It's not like I expect her to come in my room, sit in the back and start shooting spitballs or something. I know she's there to learn. Why, just a mere 8 -10 years ago- that was me. And I appreciated the fact that teachers would change their daily schedules & lesson plans to allow me access to their room where I would try to "teach" a lesson. But, I just don't want someone - ANYONE- in my room with my kids when I'm teaching. I'm thinking "Leave us alone, please!" But that's wrong. My room should be open to all. By the way, Jim Rex (State Superintendent of Ed) will be visiting our school this month - WOW! And even though it would be neat to have that kind of a big-wig in my room, at the same time I'm thinking, "Quit coming in to see everything I'm doing - we all know you're going to forget me as soon as you close the door".
It's ridiculous, I know. I know. I mean, I don't want to paint the picture that I'm an anti-social psychotic teaching nut. I really don't mind if anyone is observing or visiting in my room. I would just rather they didn't. I don't even like sharing my class with the other teachers. That's crazy!! I should welcome it! But deep down - waaaaaaayyyyy down- I don't. Maybe I'm slightly OCD, and it rocks my world to have to change things up so often. I am , afterall, a creature of habit. I love & thrive in routine. And to break this nasty habit of same-old/same-old, I am opting to have a practicum student in my room. She's going to observe a few lessons, and she has to teach 2 science lessons (luckily, that's Sandy's room). But I need this. It's time I gave back to all of those who opened their doors for some stupid doe-eyed Lander practicum student who didn't know what in the hell she was doing. You know what will happen? The day she comes to observe will be the day I get observed by the principal (who knows- maybe the State SuperI, too!)
So, I end this post with a pledge: I shall do my best to let go of the thought that my classroom is only MY classroom, and open it to those who want only to learn, to be taught, or to point out all of the things I did wrong.
(Let's be honest- what are teacher/admin observations for?)
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3 comments:
You're not OCD, you just like to be in control of what's yours. Just wait if you're ever TAPed--nothing's yours anymore. Not your lesson plans, not your classroom, not your time.
And have fun with Mr. Rex.
Veruca Salt?!? I haven't thought of her in years, but you paint a very clear (& humorous) picture.
Some of us are just wired to thrive off routine & order... I don't think you're a bad or selfish person for wanting to control your environment. Of course, this is coming from a fellow control freak! :)
In the 8 years that I taught, I constantly felt that way. This is MY space and I will teach the way I know it should be done. And, who really cares if my lesson plans look pretty and if the essential question is reflected in every word I say? Teaching is very personal and every GOOD teacher doesn't want to be told how to do it by someone who never taught before.
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