I think, therefore I procrastinate

I had all these good intentions: I was going to get all of my lesson plans done so I could just enjoy my weekend with no paperwork. And then, I got home. And I sat down. And the Hubs and me laid on the bed and chitchatted for a bit. And the more I sat/laid down, the more it became apparent that I just wasn't going to work. At all. It's going to sit there until Sunday, MAYBE Saturday while Matt works. It will sit there, and I will do it when I feel the pressure on me, which is when I do my best work.
Besides, it's just a bunch of BS anyway. I have to have this gay crap like "intro", "materials","& "closing" in each lesson plan. (P.S- my lesbian friend told me it was ok to describe things as gay if, and I quote, "if they're queer, then they're queer. What's the big deal?") I mean, I literally have to write/say in my intro "Today we will...." and then in my closing I have to use the "today we/tomorrow we will" format. For example: "Today we learned how homesteaders used the environment to help them survive. Tomorrow, we will learn about another type of homesteader called an exoduster." Whatever. I really, really wish people would just leave me alone & let me teach. Which, according to many people (and I include some teachers in this) is something I should NOT want. My old principal asked us in a grade level meeting one time, "Do you need my help or do you want me to just leave you alone and let you teach?" I really did almost say "yes!". Somehow, though, that response is wrong. I guess I'm supposed to want help, want collaboration, want input, want "constructive criticism". But I don't. I'm not saying I don't want to work or collaborate with my coworkers or even my admin. For the most part, I enjoy working with them and getting input. But at the end of the day (or, actually, the beginning) I really want to take everything I've gleaned from everyone, shut my classroom door, and do my job w/out anyone else bothering me. And if that's wrong of me, then fine. I'm wrong.
As a side note, I am currently in the process of losing weight, or rather, trying to lose weight. Within the past year I have developed a touch of hypothyroidism (in a nutshell, my 'roid isn't keeping up with its duties, per se), and I started my lifelong regimen of thyroid medication. That being said, before I found out about this underproductive part of my body, I was constantly tired, constantly hungry, and constantly gaining weight. And of course, its all in the lower belly/waist/ ass/ thigh region. Why, oh, why could it have not accumulated at my boobs? At any rate, it's there and mocking me on a daily basis. "Psst! Remember when you were in high school and you only weighed 110? You'll never see those days again! Oops! Another pocket of cellulite! And how about - for shits and giggles- we add a good 7 pounds around your waist so all of those new pants you just bought feel like garote wire, all the while making you look 5 months pregnant?!" It's horrible to feel this way because A) I've always been petite and this just reminds me on a daily basis that my body is rejecting everything that ever reminded it of youthfulness, and B) I feel guilty for feeling bad about feeling like I'm overweight. Confusing? I feel bad about feeling like I've gained weight (which is a scientific fact- I HAVE gained weight) because I feel like I don't have the right to feel bad. According to other people, I look the same, so why should I complain, right? I have to live with this body. I have to feel the rolls that are growing at my sides and hips, even if you don't think they're there. They are. I have to shimmy into the pants (that just fit last week ) on the bed, and deal with not being able to breathe when I bend over. I have to feel that nasty 4 inch roll of skin and whatnot that overhangs my pants line every day. I have to look down and see my gut consistently poking out, only to suck it back in and much as I can and tell myself "It's an ab workout." I have to remind myself that every woman on the planet, even the ones on the cover of "US Weekly" have cellulite, and if they don't it's only because they paid someone to remove it. Why am I obsessed? I wish I knew.
So I will have to be much more consistent in my gym attendance, as well as my snacking/cravings. I snack all the time, and never realize it. And I'm ravenous in the mornings and evenings, which causes me to eat like I haven't in weeks. Slowly but surely, I'm working on it, and trying to achieve small goals. This first small goal: hit the gym no less than 3x a week - and yoga doesn't count. I mean it does, but not towards this. After that goal, I'll work myself up into a goal dealing w/ my actual workout program. My final goal is my reward: if I lose about 8-10 pounds, and have developed exercise & eating habits that I can acceptably & reasonably live with..... I will get a tatoo. It's true. I'm going to get a peacock feather. I figure all the time I'm going to spend running/ lifting/ walking/ ab-bing this work off will give me a chance to figure out where it's going to go.......